Portrait of a Man
by Sara Winters
Summary: The life of Severus Snape.
1. Collateral Damage

_Author's note: I started writing this during NaNoWriMo 2009. Not sure how often it'll be updated or when it'll be finished._

* * *

It was not long after she'd made her confession that Tobias Snape raised his hand to his wife for the first time. It wasn't as if he'd never suspected there was something different about Eileen Prince from the day they'd met, but his long dormant suspicions were confirmed in the worst way when his young wife confessed that she had passed her "gift" down to their only son, a fact she'd known since Severus was born and of which Tobias had only become aware when the boy had accidentally made his father's favorite shirt burst into flames. The shirt had burned his fingers, but later that night Severus found the pain paled in comparison to watching his mother cower in a far corner of the parlor screaming for her husband to stop the first of what would be many beatings. The blisters had healed quickly; the memories remained burned in his mind forever.

The six-year-old learned several lessons that night. Through his father's yelling, he found out that "freak" and "bastard" were closely associated with this new status, "wizard." He cried and soiled himself as he watched his mother bleed. The next day, he learned that his new sister would never come and he would never have another sibling. Severus also learned his mother would do anything to protect him, but never raise a hand or wand to protect herself, whatever the cost. This was the most difficult lesson to accept. But it was one he had to learn again and again. It was the source of a pain that never went away.

* * *

He was quite clumsy those first few years. Fits of temper usually accompanied the unruly bursts of magic that manifested. She, in her own way, was the opposite of his ugly clumsiness. She possessed the simple beauty of a child who'd been well-loved since birth. Bright green eyes opened wide over a face of blushing porcelain. Full pink lips tilted over straight teeth in frequent smiles and contagious laughter. Waves of red hair caught the wind as she danced around the playground, her sister trailing after her as a fading tail followed a brightly streaking comet. Severus knew there was magic about her. Before he knew her name. Before, even, she had spoken to him in that peculiar way she had, with her nose scrunched and her mouth twisted to one side, just before voicing a thought he hadn't yet been able to form into words. Lily Evans had in her the power to make the world stand still. One glance at her smile and Severus forgot that things like loneliness and hunger existed. There was only _her_. And that was enough to make the world seem like a different place. A better place.

After that first day on the playground, he'd been reluctant to return home. As the sun set behind the trees, he found himself following the girl and her gangly sister to a two story Victorian three blocks from his own house. From there, he watched as she went inside. His eyes followed upstairs as a light went on in one of the bedrooms. The curtains were closed, but he could sense her presence, and wondered if she could sense his. Long after darkness had fallen over Hart street, Severus walked away from the house, wishing, not for the last time, that he could stay.

A sharp slap to his face woke him from reliving his memories of her that day. Absently, Severus raised his hand to the stinging skin; the pain faded almost as quickly as it had flared up. A familiar scowl settled on his face, mirrored from the face in front of his.

"What were you doing out at this hour?" Tobias Snape was a formidable man even when he wasn't shouting and this quiet, controlled tone almost always spelled the beginning of one of the Bad Times. He glared at his silent son, grabbing the boy's collar to bring their faces inches apart. The fabric scrunched under his grip, the worn seams stretching near their breaking point. "Answer me, boy! Your mother was worried sick about you." He glanced at Eileen out of the corner of his eye. She stood silently in the doorway, watching her husband. After a few more seconds of silence, he released Severus with a small shove and headed towards the boy's mother.

"No!"

Tobias turned, a small smile forming on his thin lips. "Oh, you've found your voice now, have you?" He grabbed Eileen's arm and dragged her into the room. She whimpered briefly, but didn't struggle. Tobias stood her next to their son. "Do you see what you've done with him, being so easy on the boy?" He pointed at Severus. "Probably gone soft in the head from all the coddling you've given him. No matter, I've found a way to make him want to mind me."

One eye on his son, Tobias grabbed his wife roughly and squeezed her arm until she cried out. "Seems the only way to get through to the little bastard these days," he said. He turned his son. "Your precious mum doesn't want me giving you what you deserve, so she'll have to take it for you." Scarcely a beat had passed before Eileen received a sharp slap in the same manner her son had minutes before. Harder. He hit his wife until she snapped her head away, crying as blood began dripping from her nose. The slaps became punches, moving from her face to her chest and stomach. Several forced Eileen to double over before Tobias froze in place, his arm arced high above his head as he prepared to hit her again. His breathing stopped short as sharp waves of pain radiated from the center of his chest. He released Eileen and watched as she ran to her glaring son, enveloping him in a hug before grabbing the child and running up the stairs.

He hadn't killed his father, Severus knew that much. It would take more than one heart attack to kill someone with that much evil in his blood. But he'd hurt and it had felt _good_. Almost as good as the way his mother's arms felt around him now, her tears soaking into the ill-fitting shirt he wore. Her hair had come out of the tight bun at her neck and fell around her shoulders, enveloping her son in the comforting scent of the flowery shampoo she used. Severus accepted her reluctant thank yous and whispered half-hearted admonishments in silence. They were both safe, for now. That, and the promise for the future he'd felt on the playground, was all he needed.


	2. Lily

She was wearing a bright yellow dress the second time he saw her. She seemed as if she were floating on sunshine. He quickly learned that she was "Lily" and the gangly older girl with dark, stringy hair was "Tuney." Tuney had a nasally, whining tone in contrast to her sister's melodious, little girl tinkle. She was also awkward and bumbling as she moved; Severus began to wonder if they actually had the same parents or if one of the girls was living with distant cousins. His question was answered when he heard Lily say she had a new trick to show their mum. She'd been practicing it "forever" and wanted to show Tuney first.

"Ready?" A crooked grin split her face, revealing even white teeth. The yellow ribbon holding her hair back fluttered in the wind behind her.

Petunia looked put out at first, having been forced to stop their game in order to observe her sister's surprise. After a brief pause, she nodded, crossing her skinny arms over her chest. "Let's see it, then." Severus just heard her over the howl of the wind. He stepped closer, circling a bush to stand behind a tree, just out of the girls' eyesight.

As he watched, Lily picked up a flower from the edge of the playground and held it in the palm of her hand. The flower lay still for a moment and then began fluttering, as if the breeze had begun to pick it up. Then it began to twirl just above Lily's hand—the question of whether it was a trick of the wind was easily dismissed. An excited gasp escaped from Petunia. She reached for the flower. Lily moved her hand out of her sister's reach. The flower fluttered to the ground, her concentration gone.

"How did you do it?" Petunia demanded. She grabbed her sister's shoulder and forced her to look into her eyes. "I won't tell anyone. Just tell me so I can do it too."

Lily smiled, a smug look at that showed confidence in her new secret. "I can't." She shrugged and grinned as her sister frowned. "I don't know how I do it. Just that I can do it...and a lot of other things."

Petunia wasn't comforted by this answer, merely annoyed that her sister refused to share the secret to her newfound abilities. Severus knew the secret without having to be told. She was the same and him and his mother, a witch. Powerful, he'd guess, since she'd already mastered silent spell casting with the kind of control Severus himself lacked when he knew how to practice. She was special and not just because he was already half in love with her.

* * *

He knew what he had to do. He had to talk to her. One day. If she was ever alone. The problem was, Lily was always with that sister of hers. Besides that, Severus didn't know if he could ever get up the nerve to talk to her. In spite of his frequent assurances to Eileen, Tobias Snape frequently took a hand to his son when the mood struck, leaving the boy to heal his own minor bruises and cuts through sheer will while his mother took the worst of his father's anger. Severus tried to stop her. Begged her to leave when his father wasn't around. It was those times he understood his mother the least. She protected him with everything she had, but put up with the frequent abuses though she had more power in her than Tobias Snape could ever cope with were it unleashed against him. The only thing Severus had come to understand from the situation was that his mother's dedication to protecting him was the only reason she had to live. If one could call what she did living.

He thought Lily might be able to see it on him, first chance she really looked. The poor, broken family. The boy who suffered in near silence, anger seeping deep into his soul with every outrage his mother had to bear. He wore his shame like a cloak around him, a dark shadow that seemed to encase him from head to toe. She, Lily, seemed to radiate light with every step she took. One glance at the dark ugliness that followed her, coveting her warmth and light and Severus suspected she'd feel little more than repulsion. Somehow, he knew she'd never show it. She'd be nice enough, polite even, to anyone. And he could accept the small bit of kindness her pity would afford him if it gave him the chance to get close, to get to know her.

* * *

He'd found the shirt one day in the bin behind someone's house. It was different, in as much as everything Severus was attracted to was different. It reminded him of the robes he'd seen in a photo while going through his mother's school things. The shirt bore little resemblance to the robes he'd seen the wizard wearing, but it was similar, at least in his mind. It was shorter, but too long to be a normal shirt. And it had the same flowing quality as robes. The wizard in the photograph had been wearing the most brilliant shade of purple; his gray-streaked auburn hair and beard and bright blue eyes made a startling contrast in the moving image. "He is the most brilliant wizard to ever live," Mum had said. Severus could read the truth just from that picture, the way the man's eyes twinkled as he stared down whoever would dare capture his image, his lips pulled into something of a small smirk that held its own subtle charm. He was brilliant and Severus knew one day people would say the same about him. The most brilliant. Powerful. Gifted beyond imagining. As he put the shirt on day after day and prowled the neighborhood, he felt his own power grow. He knew it was only a matter of time before the world could see his brilliance. Lily would be the first to recognize it.

They'd be getting their letters for Hogwarts the following summer. Severus wanted to be the one to introduce her to the next seven years of their lives, see the look in her eyes when she knew who she was and got a taste of what she was truly capable of. It had been months since the first time he'd seen her. His infatuation with Lily had grown strong, all without the two of them exchanging their first words. Severus knew he had to talk to her, and soon. He could hardly stand to wait anymore. Every time he saw her, the urge to run over and tell her everything, watch her eyes light up in fascination, was nearly overwhelming. But he bided his time, hoping he'd be able to find the perfect moment.

That day came late in the fall. She and her sister were at the playground again. The other children had all gone home and Severus had settled behind a clump of bushes, content to remain out of sight, listening to Lily's laughter carry across to him as she and her sister played. They moved from the merry-go-round to the swings and Severus peeked from behind a bush to watch. Lily began swinging higher and higher into the air, her laughter ringing out over the playground as her sister yelled for to stop.

The swing arched high in the air, just over the bar where it was secured, and Lily let go. She floated down slowly, her grin spreading higher as she reached the ground and her sister marched over to her in a huff, her shrill voice lecturing as she looked around the playground for witnesses.

"I'm fine," Lily said. Her giggle carried across to Severus. "Watch me." Petunia looked around the playground again, then returned her attention to her sister. Lily had retrieved a flower from the ground and was forcing the petals to open and close; it resembled a mouth, communicating silently as she commanded it.

"Stop it!" Petunia shrieked.

"It's not hurting anyone," Lily responded, her smile gone. She crushed the flower in her palm and threw it back to the ground.

"You shouldn't do it," Petunia said. She pouted as her sister walked away from her. "How do you do it?" she asked as she had months before. This time, there was more than curiousity in her low voice. There was clear longing and, beneath that, a hint of jealousy.

"It's obvious," Severus said. He stepped from behind the bushes, the beginnings of a smile touching his lips. Petunia screamed and backed towards the swings. Lily had been startled, but stood her ground; her eyes locked on him in a steady gaze as he approached. The intensity of her stare forced a blush onto his cheeks; he clutched at the front of his coat.

"What's obvious?" Lily asked.

Severus glanced over at Petunia. She was standing near the swings again, watching him warily. His gaze returned to Lily. He finally had the chance to talk to her, to tell her things that had been bubbling beneath the surface for months, starting with the one thing they had in common. "I know what you are," he whispered.

"What?" Her voice held more than the smallest note of surprise.

"You're a witch," he said with more confidence. The pride he felt in making his announcent began to fade as she remained silent after his declaration.

Lily's expression became blank for a moment before her brows drew together. She frowned and her hands clenched into fists. "That's not a nice thing to say!" Lily screamed before turning her back on him. She began walking towards her sister.

"No!" He chased after Lily, his face flooding with bright color. They turned to him wearing identical frowns. "You are a witch," he said breathlessly. "I've been watching..." He trailed off. He didn't want to tell her how long he'd been watching her, admiring and waiting for his chance to get close. "It's not an insult. My mum's a witch too, and I'm a wizard," he added in a whisper, holding Lily's eyes. Her expression changed, just barely noticeable. Her frown softened and she opened her mouth to speak.

Petunia's high laugh mocked him. "Wizard?" Her lips curled into a snarl and he turned to her. "You're that Snape boy," she said, as if his name was more an insult than what he'd told her sister. "They live down Spinner's End," she said as she came to stand next to her sister, more contempt seeping into her tone with each word. She'd said the name of the street a few blocks from where they lived as if it were near the gates of hell instead of walking distance from the mill. Petunia turned back to him and looked down her nose. "Why were you spying on us?"

It was his turn to laugh. "I wasn't spying." He returned her sneer. "I wouldn't spy on you anyway, you're a Muggle," he said. His expression became one of distaste. Severus thought of his father and people like him who were too stupid to really understand magic. Not only could they not understand, they hated those who could do things they never dreamed were possible. Severus didn't want to waste time with anyone who wasn't chosen, hadn't been given this gift, couldn't understand the power they held even if it were explained in the simplest of terms.

Petunia glared back at him, nearly trembling in her irritation with him. "Come on, Lily. We're leaving." Lily turned and followed her sister from the playground at once, matching her sister's glare before she stalked away from him.

Severus watched her walk away, a heavy feeling of nausea settling into his stomach. This was not how he'd planned things, to have her walk away angry, without giving him a chance to explain the truth to her. He couldn't let it end this way, not after all his plans. He had to talk to her again, away from her sister. Severus set off then, circling the park in quick strides in the hopes that he would finally be able to catch Lily alone.


	3. Magic

Hours passed before Severus saw her again. He'd been waiting near her house, looking up at the window of her bedroom and willing her to pull back the curtain and see him. It wasn't dark yet, but the sun had crossed the sky, falling close to the horizon as the sky filled with soft shades of orange and red. He was standing beneath a tree across the street from her house. The wind blew harder and he pulled his heavy coat around himself. He'd blown it. The first chance he'd had to talk to her and he hadn't been able to explain anything the way he was supposed to. After the look she had given him, he was lucky she hadn't slapped him.

"What are you doing here?"

Severus jumped and turned, stumbling until his back hit the tree. "I...what are you doing here?"

Lily frowned. "I asked you first. Did you follow us?"

"No," he said immediately. He hadn't. He'd walked the path to their house so many times, he didn't have to walk a block behind her to find the two story home again. It had become a natural destination for him—his feet carried him here without thinking, especially on days when the last place he wanted to be was home.

"So you've followed us here before?" she asked, her voice accusing.

"Just a few times," Severus said quietly. "Lily, don't be mad," he said as she frowned. "It's nothing bad. I just couldn't get up the nerve to talk to you."

"How do you know my name?"

"Your sister said it earlier," he responded quickly, not wanting her to realize just how closely he'd been spying on her.

"Petunia," she whispered, her frown deepening. "And you are?"

"Severus. Snape," he added needlessly.

Lily crossed her arms and eyed him from head to toe, her gaze lingering on the swooping shirt and too small trousers clinging to his skinny frame. "Well, out with it," she said as her eyes returned to his face. "Why have you been following us? _Me_," she corrected. "And don't give me that rubbish about—"

"But you _are_ a witch," he said. "Please don't be mad," he repeated. "I didn't mean to upset you earlier. I thought...I was happy to find out I'm a wizard. I thought you might be too...to know why you can do all these things. There's so much more to it than the things you did on the playground. We don't get hurt the way other people do. We live longer. There's villages where only we can go. Unicorns and Dementors and other creatures only we can see. We can make things happen just by thinking about them," he said. His voice had begun picking up speed in his excitement. "And there's a school north of here where we go to learn magic."

"A school?" Lily asked. Her brows rose slightly. "That sounds ridiculous. I've never heard of it. Wouldn't people know about it?"

"Only people who can go to Hogwarts know about it," Severus said. "Muggles can't even see the castle."

"What does that mean?" she asked. "That's what you called Petunia earlier. Muggle," she said slowly, trying on the strange word.

"It means someone who can't do magic. Like your sister. And probably your parents," he said. "Of course, there are also Squibs—people born into all magic families who can't do magic either, or they can't do enough to go to Hogwarts or another magic school."

"What if I'm a Squib?" Lily asked. She'd been paying close attention to his explanations, but this was the first indication Severus had that she was beginning to believe any of it.

"No, you're a witch. I can tell," he assured her. "Squibs can't even do the most basic of Charms and you can fly. You can probably do a lot more than that."

"Yeah, I can," she said. Lily smiled and Severus felt himself relax for the first time since he'd approached her on the playground earlier that day. "I once turned Petunia's canary green. It stayed that way for two days before it finally went back."

Severus laughed at the idea of Lily turning her sister's pet such a ridiculous color. The same as her eyes. Suddenly, the color didn't seem so ridiculous and he began blushing as the thought occurred to him. Her eyes held a peculiar little sparkle when she smiled. He dropped his eyes when he realized he was staring. "Was she mad?"

"She thought I'd put food coloring on it or something. Mum tried to convince her I didn't, but she still refused to speak to me for a week," she added with a grin. "It was the most peaceful week of my life," Lily added in a whisper.

Severus laughed again, louder as Lily joined him. She really was beautiful, he noticed as she laughed. A soft flush had colored her cheeks and neck and her dark hair shone in the low light. As her laughter died, she studied him with a sudden serious expression. Her hand met his wrist. His heart began thudding hard against his chest.

"Can you tell me more about the school?" she asked. "And what about the government? Are there witches and wizards in the government?"

"I..." Severus swallowed hard. It was hard to focus with her hand on his arm and her steady gaze boring into his. "There may well be, but we have our own government. The Ministry for Magic controls things like when we can get wands, and...and...animals like dragons," he said, reaching for a subject from his increasingly unfocused mind.

"Dragons?" Lily asked breathlessly. She squeezed his wrist. "_They're real?_" Her voice had risen to a high-pitched squeak.

"Yeah," Severus said. He smiled. "I can show you one if you'd like. My mum has some pictures. I can go get them now...or maybe we could meet later, if you want. My mum's got a lot of things. Pictures of Hogwarts, her books from school."

"Does she have a wand?" Lily asked.

He nodded. "But I don't think she'll let me show it to you. I don't even know where she keeps it."

"But you can show me other things?" she asked. He nodded. "Can we meet tomorrow? I know where your house is. I can meet you there."

"I...sure," he said. They weren't going to be _in_ his house, Severus was sure of that. But they could meet near his house and go someplace where they wouldn't be disturbed. "How about three?" he asked. "Don't bring your sister," he added. He began to regret his words immediately, wondering if Lily would consider them further insult.

"Don't worry about that," Lily said. Her grin returned. "After today, I don't think she wants to be anywhere near you." Just then, a shrill voice shrieked Lily's name. They both turned to see Petunia standing in the doorway of their house, arms crossed over her chest. Severus could feel the heat of her glare from across the street.

"Mum said you've got to come in for tea," she shouted. "Now," she added quickly.

"Glad she's not the one who's a witch," Severus said. "She'd probably try to hex me."

Lily giggled. "She's harmless, really. Just a lot of hot air and whining. Tomorrow, then." She let go of his wrist, smiled one last time and jogged across the street to her sister. Petunia glared at Severus one last time before slamming the door closed.

He took no notice of her attitude. He'd just spent the best few minutes of his life, with Lily smiling and talking to him, looking at him as if she could find a whole new world in his eyes. Nothing, not even censure from Petunia or what probably awaited him at home, could take away the pleasure he felt in that.


	4. Defensive

Severus felt the tension in the air long before he heard his mother scream. He'd had a hard time getting to sleep thinking over his conversations with Lily. It became a fitful night's rest as he tried to calm his anticipation of their plans the next day. In the rest of the house, the evening passed in an unusually quiet manner. His mother had done her best to smile as she served dinner, though she remained on edge as usual. His father...well, he had been the closest he could to polite to his wife and mostly ignored his son, neither a good or bad sign as far as Severus was concerned.

Something was wrong, though. The boy had sensed it not long after the sun began to fill the sky with light. He'd jolted out of his light sleep, his unfocused eyes shooting up to the ceiling as he tried to remember what had woken him. A nightmare? A noise? Nothing came to mind. Just as Severus began to tell himself to relax and catch a few more hours of sleep before he was forced to get up, he heard his mother scream and then the telltale thump that let him know last's night semblance of peace was indeed short-lived. He was out of bed and pulling on his trousers before his mind could fully process what was happening downstairs. It didn't matter if he knew what was going on, really. All he needed was the idea that his mother might be in danger—indeed, the certainty of that fact—and he would come to her rescue. He wasn't nearly strong enough to fight his father off completely, nor did his mother want him to come to her aid, but he wouldn't stand by and watch it happen. Not if he could stop the worst of it.

* * *

Hours had passed since he'd found his mother at the foot of the stairs, bleeding profusely from a cut on her face. Her bruises had begun to heal, but Severus was worried about the injury to one of her legs which she refused to go the hospital and get treated.

"I'll be fine," Eileen whispered as she stood over the stove cooking. Her hands were steady as she stirred the pot, but there was no mistaking the shake in her voice. She was in tremendous pain and was having trouble hiding it. "When your father leaves, I'll get my wand and tend to it myself. There's no need to worry."

"There's always need to worry, Mum," Severus said. "You can't handle all of your injuries on your own and...he's going to kill you one of these days," the child whispered. He'd been thinking of this nightmare for months, but had never voiced his opinion to his mother before this moment. Severus couldn't help it. The thought of his mother suffering was awful enough, but to know he'd be left alone with a man who would surely take his life next was more than he could take.

Eileen turned to him, her eyes narrowed on his face. "That's ridiculous."

"No more ridiculous than letting him do it," he responded. "You can fight back," he began. "Why not? Why can't we just leave? Why can't you kill him?"

She didn't have to answer, he could see the response in her eyes. She was afraid. Paralyzed with irrational, life-threatening fear. She could no more leave her abusive husband or kill him than hurt her own son, though her life choices were doing just that. Eileen was trapped in a cage of her own indecision and internal defeat and nothing, not even the frequent begging of her only child, could force her to move them both to a healthy situation.

"Get in here!"

Eileen jumped as her husband bellowed from the living room. Checking the pot on the stove one last time, she smiled at her son and began walking slowly towards the living room, carefully favoring her hurt leg. Severus heard the first slap from where he waited in the kitchen. Seconds later he ran into the room. Eileen was crouched on the floor, her broken right leg cradled to her body. Her husband stood over her, shouting for his wife to stand. She attempted to obey him, but struggled, eventually falling back to the floor. Her son was at her side when Tobias slapped her a second time.

"Leave her alone!" Severus shouted. He clutched his mother to his side. Tobias began to reach for him, but stumbled back, his hand going to his chest.

"No," Eileen whispered.

Severus turned to her. "You can't mean that. How do you expect me to let him do this to you?"

She shook her head. Grabbing her son's shoulders, she used him as leverage to help herself sit up. "Please. Let me deal with this. Go outside."

Giving his mother one last look, he stood from the floor. Moments later, she stood after him, her gaze steady on her husband as she waved her son towards the front door. He walked away, then stood at the front door as he watched them, facing each other in silence, the tension between them growing until Severus felt his stomach knotting up. He opened the door. Maybe this was finally it, the end of it. Eileen Snape had had enough of her husband using her as a punching bag and was about to use all of her considerable power to put an end to it all, and end to him. As Severus opened the door, he heard his father whisper, "Now, then?"

He turned to the front porch. Gasping, he pulled the door up behind him as Lily walked up the steps.

"You're late," she said. "I thought I was going to have to come in after you."

Severus nearly began stuttering. He hadn't thought it was possible, but he'd forgotten all about his plans with her. Though he supposed watching his parents prepare to kill each other in the front parlor was enough to make anyone forget their plans for the day.

"Hello?" Lily smiled and waved a hand in front of his face. "I thought you...did you not want to tell me everything? You know, I thought this was all a joke, but I couldn't be sure and—"

"No, it's not that," Severus said, finally finding his voice. "Now, I can't. Not right now. I have to..." What? Save his mother's life? Help her kill his father? His father's voice broke into his thoughts. An answering shout from Eileen quickly followed.

Lily colored lightly and took a step backward. Severus couldn't blame her. The words coming from the other side of the door weren't the most polite conversation she could've heard by any stretch of the imagination. "What...?"

"My parents." Severus glanced over his shoulder at the door. The wall shook briefly as something heavy thudded against it. "They're...arguing. I can't leave right now. I can meet you in a couple of hours." Assuming things didn't get worse. His father was working a late shift at the mill and would leave in a little more than an hour. He only had to keep her safe until then. With the way things were going, he wasn't entirely sure that would be the case. "If that's all right with you," he said when she didn't respond. "Can we meet at the corner of Oak and Holland?"

"Sure. All right," Lily said. She jumped as there was another scream from inside the house. "I'll see you later, then." She smiled shakily, but her voice sounded as if she never expected to see him again. After what she'd heard, he wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. After watching her walk away for a moment, he went back into the house, prepared to use everything at his disposal to defend his mother.

* * *

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting," Severus said as he approached. She had jumped when he spoke, but smiled as he stopped next to her. "There was a lot going on." Lily nodded and her eyes dropped; she began staring at her feet. He cleared his throat. "I had chores and a few other things to take care of."

"It's all right," she said quietly. "I wasn't sure you'd come at all after—"

"I wasn't going to let anything stop me from coming," Severus said. Hearing the sudden strength in his voice, she looked up, her eyes questioning. He lifted the photo album tucked under his arm. "I made you a kind of...person would I be if I didn't keep it?" He'd almost said friend. As much as she'd given him hope by showing up, twice, he knew he had a long way to go before he could call himself Lily's friend. He smiled and gestured down the street. "Ready?"

"This way's a dead end," Lily said.

Severus nodded. "I think it'll be better if we go down by the river. Someplace quiet. You don't mind, do you?"

She shook her head. "No, not at all. I think quiet would be nice."

* * *

Lily leaned back on her hands, crushing the grass beneath them. It was dimmer under the canopy of trees, but the sun was still bright enough to illuminate her face and warm both of them from the cooling temperatures of the afternoon. "It's beautiful out here," she said, glancing towards the river behind them. "I could stay out here all day."

"That might be nice," Severus responded. "Though I'm sure some of the animals might have something to say about it. Unless you think you can get along with snakes. You probably could."

Lily turned to him and grinned. Severus felt a faint blush creep onto his cheeks. "You really like snakes, don't you?"

"I love them," he said. He traced his fingers over the Slytherin crest emblazoned over the front of his mother's photo album. "They know how to go after their prey without the victim having the slightest warning. They can sneak around without getting caught. They—" _They can kill with one blow and no regrets_, he thought. He let the words remain unsaid. Lily was hardly listening anyway. She was looking down at the emblem.

"Can you talk to them? To snakes I mean?" she asked absently.

"No," Severus responded. "Hardly anyone can. It's a pretty rare gift, even among wizards."

"Still," she said. "It would be amazing to talk to snakes, or any animal really, and know they really understood you. I can't imagine what I'd do if I could get them to talk back."

Severus knew exactly what he'd do, introduce one to Tobias Snape and watch as his scaled friend went to work. But even after everything Lily had seen of his family, he thought it might scare her to know exactly how he felt about his father and what he planned to do about it one day when he had the chance. As close as she was to her family, she wouldn't understand. Most people wouldn't. Not that they had to. All they saw was that Severus was often dirty and unkempt, a product borne more of his father's contempt for him than his mother's lack of love. That would all change if he was gone. Severus was biding his time.

Lily cleared her throat, bringing him out of his thoughts. "Are you sure you won't get in trouble for showing me these pictures?" She put her hand on the photo album, near his hand. "I know you said your Mum is all right with it, but won't get you get in trouble for showing me her school things?" She smiled and her fingers moved over the crest. "I would think there'd be some sort of rule against what you can show to people who aren't really..." She let her voice trail off, unsure of how to say what she was thinking."

"It's not like that," he responded. "You're different, like me. It's not like you're a Muggle."

"Wait, so the Ministry can punish you if you do magic in front of Muggles?"

"Sometimes they might give a warning first, but yes," Severus answered. "And the Ministry can punish you if you do magic outside of school, you get letters."

Lily eyes opened wide with panic. "But I have done magic outside of school!"

"It's all right," he said. He placed his hand over hers on the album, smiling when she didn't pull away. "We don't have wands yet. They don't punish kids who can't help it."

"Even when I do things on the playground and I know what I'm doing?" Lily asked.

Severus smiled again. He shook his head. "We're not even eleven and we haven't been trained. They wouldn't be hard on us. But once we start school, we have to be careful."

Lily became silent and a small frown settled on her face. She picked up a twig and began swinging it through the air lightly. Severus imagined a beam of light streaming from it as she performed a spell with her makeshift wand. A dozen leaves would float around her, their surfaces shining as they caught the dim light. The water in the river behind them would rise up, swirling and splashing as it danced under her command. A snake would approach them where they sat on the bank and Lily would discover she could talk to it. Now, that would be something.

Suddenly she dropped the branch and turned to him. "It is real, isn't it? All of it?" She gestured to the album. "I want to believe, but..." She stopped, frowning. "Petunia says you're lying to me, that there isn't a Hogwarts."

"It's real for us," Severus said. "Not for her. She'll never know what it's like. We'll get the letter when it's time."

She smiled. "Really?" she whispered.

He could see in her eyes how much she wanted to believe in the magic, have confirmation for everything she'd already seen and done. It was only her sister's doubts clouding what she already knew, that everything in their world was real. That was only temporary. Soon, they would be immersed in it, walking away from the ordinary and living the extraordinary lives they were born to have. Lily, with her vivid imagination and inquisitive nature, would fit right in with their world. She'd never want to come back.

"It's definitely real," he said.

"Will the letter really come by owl?"

"Normally," he said. "I think it might be different because you're Muggle-born. Someone from the school will have to explain to your parents. Otherwise, they wouldn't know it was real," he explained. "I think that's the only way Muggle parents would let their children go."

"And does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"

Severus hesitated. He had no way of knowing if having two magic parents made a difference at all. His mother had, but he had never been privileged to see a full display of her powers. As for himself, as far as he knew, he wasn't any less talented than any other half-blood his age. Of course, he had no one to compare himself to and wouldn't until he started school. Lily was a special case. There was no doubt she was talented. In the short time he'd known of her, Severus had seen her do a few things he couldn't do. There was no telling how much talent she would display once she had a wand and professors at the best magic school in the world to train her.

"No," he said. "It doesn't make a difference."

"Good." Lily relaxed then, removing her hand from beneath his and leaning back to look up again.

"I don't know why you're worried," Severus began. "You can do so much already. I saw that when I watched you."

He stopped what he'd been about to say next. Lily wasn't listening again. She was staring off, probably picturing what it would be like once they were in school. She'd seen a few pictures of the castle, but it was nothing to walking around Hogwarts itself, his mother had said. Severus wished Lily could hear the truth of everything from his mother herself. Maybe one day, a better day, he could arrange that.

Lily cleared her throat. She smiled tentatively as her eyes met his again. "How did you leave things at your house?"

Severus frowned and his heart thudded hard once. "Fine," he said shortly.

"They're not...arguing anymore?"

Arguing. The lie he'd told and she'd readily pretended to believe. Only now the careful hesistation in her voice let him know she wasn't quite as willing to pretend as she had been earlier.

"Oh yes, they're arguing," he said. Without their fists, but still as tense as ever. His mum had promised she'd protect herself before he left the house, but he didn't know if he could believe that any more than the other times she'd sworn she would and let her husband get away with hitting her. One of these days, he was going to show the fighting spirit his mother rarely did and stop his father once and for all. Until then, he could do little more than worry about her every time he left the house, wondering if he'd have a mother to come home to every night. At least this time, he knew his father would have left for work not long after he'd come to meet Lily. His shifts at the mill were the only thing Tobias Snape cared about.

Glancing down, he noticed the shredded leaves beneath his fingers and the dirt that had accumulated beneath his nails. He brushed his fingers on his trousers and began picking the dirt out. "It won't be that long and I'll be gone." Hopefully, his mother would be committed to leaving by then, too. It was hard enough to leave the house these days, the thought of leaving her for months at a time was nearly the scariest he could imagine.

"Does your dad like magic?" Lily asked.

"He doesn't like anything, much."

An awkward silence settled between them again. He stared down at his dirty hands, wishing suddenly that he could be someone else. Anything to not feel the shame that came with being who he was, suffering because of his father.

Lily began to sense his discomfort. After a few long moments of silence, she cleared her throat. "Severus."

The sound of her saying his name brought a smile to his face. "Yeah?"

"Tell me more about the Dementors."

"Why do you want to know about them?" he asked.

Lily shrugged. "If I use magic outside school—"

Severus gave a small laugh. "They wouldn't give you to the dementors for that. They're for people who do really bad stuff." His father, for instance, though Muggles would never be subjected to them. "They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban. Besides, you're too—" Nice. Special. Beautiful. A blush warmed his face and his hands drifted back to the leaves in front of his legs; he began shredding them further.

This fear of talking to her was nonsense. He had to tell her what he was thinking, how he felt. She might not return his feelings, not yet, but the worst that could happen is that she would...thank him for his compliments. She might smile prettily and blush. But even that would be all right. I like you. It was a simple truth he had to communicate. He had no more cause to feel embarrassed by it than saying, "The sky is blue," or "Your eyes are beautiful." Embarrassment aside, he had to say something. He could not let this moment go to waste the way their first meeting had.

Just as Severus was opening his mouth to speak, there was a rustling in the bushes a few feet behind them. Petunia stumbled out, her expression flustered at being caught out.

"Now look who's spying," Severus said. "What do you want?"

Her eyes went back and forth between the two for a moment before settling on the scowling boy. Petunia sneered at him. "What are you wearing, anyway?" She pointed with one shaking finger. "Your mum's blouse?"

Before he could think of a response, there was a loud crack. A branch fell from the tree overhead, hitting Petunia in the shoulder. Lily screamed. Petunia staggered before she burst into tears and ran back the way she'd come. Lily yelled after her sister before turning back to Severus.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"No." The denial was weak. He was still trying to take stock of what had happened.

"You did!" Lily screamed. She began backing away. "You hurt her!"

"No, I didn't!" This time, his on voice seemed on the verge of cracking. He was fighting back sudden unexpected tears as Lily narrowed her eyes at him, turned and ran after her sister.

He didn't know what had happened. One minute he was talking to Lily, the next she was screaming at him because of what happened to her sister. That wasn't entirely true. He knew what had happened. He'd lost his temper and someone had gotten hurt. He wasn't like his father, though. He hadn't done it deliberately. Lily had to see that.


	5. Boyfriend

He glanced down at the note he'd written again. It had been folded and unfolded so many times, the creases were about to tear. He just had to make sure the words were right. If this didn't work, it would ruin everything he'd worked for, the bridge he'd tried to build between them, had been for nothing. He'd go to Hogwarts alone, knowing no one, and likely stay that way.

* * *

Severus didn't know what was wrong. He'd been brave enough to talk to her that first time and now here he was, standing across the street from her house, afraid to give her the explanation that might assuage her understandable anger at him. The thing was, it was Petunia's fault. She had scared them both and then followed it by provoking him. He couldn't help what had happened. Not that Lily would see it that way. She would always take her sister's side, no matter how he explained it. Girls were like that. He just hoped she wasn't the type to hold a grudge forever.

A movement caught the corner of his vision and he looked up. Petunia had come out of the house to get the mail. She was wearing her usual frown but didn't appear to be hurt. That was a point in his favor. Lily couldn't stay mad if her sister wasn't seriously hurt. Standing in front of the mailbox, Petunia looked around. Severus moved further behind the tree. Her frown deepened. He couldn't tell if she had spotted him. She went back into the house, slamming the door closed.

This was it. If he continued to wait, he'd never have the nerve to do it. Lily's window was open again. Mum had told him he didn't need a wand to do this, he just had to focus to pull it off. Still, he decided it would be safer if he crossed the street.

There was something odd about standing beneath her window in broad daylight. He looked around. There was nothing disturbing the quiet neighborhood but the lightest of breezes and the boy in the black trenchcoat trampling the grass beneath Lily's window. Severus took the note from his pocket and thought over its contents one more time. If this didn't work, nothing would.

Taking a deep breath, he lifted the note to his mouth and blew it towards the window. The breeze caught it, but it held steady on its path, gliding towards the window with the edges fluttering on the breeze. When it reached the window, he blew it inside with one final gust. Now he just had to wait and trust that he hadn't made a complete fool of himself the day before. And cross the street before Petunia discovered him and began screaming. Niggling doubts hit him once he made it back to the safety of the tree. Were the words enough?

_ Dear Lily,_

_ I can't say how sorry I am. I never meant for anything bad to happen to anyone. I told you sometimes it's hard to control. Please believe me. Please apologize to your sister for me. I don't think she'll talk to me. I'll understand if you never want to talk to me agian but I hope you won't be that hard on me._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Severus_

He peeked around the tree. Lily was leaning against the window sill, looking around the bushes below her window. When he moved from behind the tree, she looked up, smiled and waved at him. He had his answer. All was not lost.

* * *

"You know, she's never going to forgive you for still..." Severus stopped. He didn't want to say _being friends_. Not yet. He shoved his hands into the pocket of his overlarge coat. "Spending time with me," he finished.

Lily gave him a look as if to say, _It's okay to admit it_. "If she doesn't like that we're friends, she can sit in her room and stew every time you're over." Lily had raised her voice to a shout so she could be sure Petunia heard every word in her room across the hall. Severus knew the announcement was probably making her heart race the same way his was now, but for a very different reason. She was planning on his becoming a regular visitor. Even he hadn't been that hopeful.

"She has no reason to stay mad, after all," Lily continued. "You _did_ apologize to her." After which she stomped off to her room in a huff. Lily's mouth twisted to one side as she remembered Petunia's reaction to "that boy" being let into the house and marched before her in the parlor to make an impromptu speech.

"Besides that, it was an accident." Lily smiled. She crossed her arms over her chest as she surveyed the nervous boy standing on the other side of her bedroom. "You don't have to just stand there. You can sit down." She gestured to the bed behind him.

"What? There?" His voice had come out a barely discernable squeak. A reaction to her invitation Lily obviously found funny.

"Of course, there." She glanced around at the stuffed animals and dolls that covered most of the other surfaces in her room. "Unless you'd prefer the floor. I think we'll both be more comfortable on the bed."

Severus had to disagree. While it was clearly the softest and least cluttered place in the room, it was also her bed. The place where Lily lay her head at night. The soft cotton sheets and bright pink bedspread were not a place where easily Severus could feel welcome. In her sunny room, surrounded by the pastels and rainbows she favored, he felt out of place, dirty. Merely touching the duvet would be enough to forever taint it with his stink.

Lily crossed her arms and frowned at him. "Honestly, Sev. If you don't sit down I'm going to tell my Mum you're being rude and she'll refuse to let you come over again."

Severus jumped at this, a slight smile on his lips at her use of his name. "Your mum's here?"

"Yes, she's downstairs." Lily shrugged. "She was hanging laundry when you came in. Ooh, I should introduce you. I'm sure she'd love to meet you."

He looked down at himself. Everything from his coat down to the worn shoes his mum's spells could barely hold together screamed the type of child he was sure her mother wouldn't want her around. "I don't think...maybe another time—ooh!" Severus screamed out as Lily pushed him onto the bed.

"There. Isn't that better than standing around looking as if you expect to be kicked out at any minute?" Grinning at him, she sat next to him on the bed, giggling as he scooted away a few inches. "Now will you relax?"

He shook his head. "You are a strange girl."

Lily grinned back at him. "You are one to talk."

* * *

The pillow floated higher and higher above the bed, taking both children by surprise. True, Severus had managed to float the letter, but he'd spent the entire night practicing after his mother had taught him the simple trick. Plus, he figured being so eager to get back into Lily's good graces had a great deal to do with it. He didn't think he'd able to do it again, especially not for so long. Of course, this time he had help. It was strange holding her hand this way. Hers was soft, small, folding into his with an easy trust when he promised to show her some magic. The problem now was that he could hardly focus for staring at her. She probably had no idea how pretty she was, the joy that lit her face as they performed the spell bringing a glow to her that only hinted at the woman she would become. The pillow bumped the ceiling and Lily giggling, looking away from it to Severus. He smiled back, noticing, not for the first time, the way her eyes caught the light when she was happy. The pillow abruptly fell onto the bed between them. Lily let go of his hand.

"Let's try something else," she suggested. She looked around her room for a suitable object. "Ah, I know!" Her grin turned wicked. "Let's make Petunia fly. She'd probably wet her pants from fright."

In spite of the grin the thought inspired, Severus had to stamp the idea down. "Your family has no idea about you, not really. I think we might get into trouble."

"I don't know." She smiled. "I think Tuney would be too afraid of both of us to say anything," Lily remarked. "Besides, my parents are sort of used to strange things happening around me. They just don't know why. Yet."

He wanted to reach for her hand again. Instead, he pulled his hands into his lap and began fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt. "When are you planning to tell them?"

Lily shrugged. "I want to tell them now, but it's not like I have any proof. We won't be getting our letters for months and you said your mum's not allowed to do spells in front of Muggles?"

Severus nodded.

"And neither of us can do much magic at this point." She grinned. "Though what we can do is pretty impressive."

"Yes, it is." _You are_, he thought.

"I just don't want them to not believe me," Lily whispered. "I'd hate for them to think this is some game we'd just made up. That we're playing witch and wizard instead of living in the real world."

That sounded similar to something Tobias Snape would say, only he would mention possible beatings for those who would bring such nonsense into his house. It was bad enough his mother had to put on the ridiculous farce of pretending to not be a witch—though it was clear no normal woman could have survived the injuries she'd endured—but Severus didn't think he'd be able to last in a household where he had to pretend he wasn't a wizard just to appease his father. He only hoped his sanity could last until he was able to go to Hogwarts.

"Living in the real world is overrated," Severus said. "I'd rather they think it's our fantasy and what's going on be our secret than for it to not be real."

"Still, I'd rather wait," Lily said. "My parents _have_ to believe me. I don't know what I'll do if they don't believe."

Severus reached across the bed to touch her hand. "They will, Lily," he said.

"They will what?" A voice asked from the doorway.

"Like my new friend." Lily smiled. "Mum, this is Severus Snape. He lives a few blocks over."

He jumped away from Lily when her mother turned to him, an identical smile on her face. The resemblance was startling and he found himself staring for several moments. Lily was every bit her mother in miniature, from the bright green doe eyes to the dark red hair that flowed down her back in soft waves.

"It's nice to meet you, Severus," she said.

A faint blush colored his face. "You too, Ma'am." He looked down. A beat passed, an eternity during which Severus felt they were both staring at him, analyzing his strange reaction, possibly laughing at his growing embarassment. He knew why he was acting this way. He felt dirty in their collective presence, _wrong_ somehow. A blight on the otherwise perfect landscape of their home and family. He had to get out from under their probing looks. Immediately.

"I should prob'ly go," he said in a rush. He had ran past her mother and down the stairs before Lily caught up with him, calling his name. Severus stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"Sev, what's wrong? Why are you leaving?"

He turned to Lily. She looked genuinely upset that he was trying to leave. He hated seeing her frown like that, but couldn't help the feeling that something was quite off in that house. Namely, him.

"I need to...I should go."

"But why?" she pressed. Her mother came down the stairs, her own concern evident on her face.

"I've been here all afternoon and..." _And it's so wonderful being treated normally that I can't take it. It's like everything I've been dreaming about for weeks and I don't know how to handle it, and you, without screwing it up like I am now. _He couldn't say that, not if he wanted her to continue treating him normally. He racked his brain for an excuse. "My mum's probably worried about me," Severus finished. "I'd hate to make her upset."

"Oh," Lily frowned.

"I'd be happy to call your mum if that'll help," her mother said. "Your parents are in the directory, right?" Smiling now that she'd solved the problem, she began walking towards the kitchen. "I'm going to make the call. Lily, why don't you invite your boyfriend to stay for tea?"

Lily turned a shade of bright scarlet. "Mum! He is not my b-boyfriend." She turned back to Severus, her embarassment now a strong match for his.

"I beg to differ," her mother called from the kitchen. "He appears very much to be a boy and you introduced him as your friend."

He wasn't sure which of them was more flustered at that point. Severus, who felt like an alien invading the quiet sanctuary of their home or Lily who was enduring her mother's teasing with all the grace she could muster. Still, he rather liked the idea of being thought of as Lily's boyfriend, even if she didn't like it much herself.

"S-sorry," she stammered. Her eyes drifted away from his. "My mum is just _so_..."

"It's all right," he whispered.

"You should stay," Lily said quietly. She took his hand in hers and squeezed. She leaned close enough to whisper in his ear. His blush deepened. "We could try to make Petunia's food disappear."

His laughter joined her soft giggle. "Maybe another time. I really do have to check on my mum."

"Oh." Lily frowned. "I hadn't thought that you might want to see if she's okay."

He hadn't had that precise thought either, but now that she'd brought it up, it seemed a much better excuse that he was worried for her than she him. After all, she was in danger every day while he seemed to bounce back far more easily from his father's punishments. Still, he didn't really want to leave. Especially if it meant letting go of Lily's hand. He stared at her. The light blush still coloring her face darkened to a becoming shade of red.

"You know, I don't really want to leave," Severus said before he could stop himself. "It's just that, if I don't..." He shrugged, careful to squeeze her hand when it would've slipped out of his.

"I know," Lily replied. Her whisper was barely audible.

He wanted to kiss her. He really could. She was standing close enough. She hadn't let go of his hand, though her palm was now nearly as sweaty. Lily was watching him as if she expected him to make the next move. He stared a moment longer before realizing he couldn't do it. The day had been far too surreal already and if it ended with something he would surely mess up, it would lose the perfect dream quality he knew he'd remember for the rest of his life. He had the rest of their friendship to try something so dangerous and scary.

"I'll be back soon," he said instead. Severus began walking towards the front door. Her hand slipped out of his.

"Yes, come back soon," Lily said as she walked him to the door. "We'll have to practice some more. I have a feeling you and I will do brilliiant things together."


	6. Fire

It was his mother that first helped him along this path of future brilliance. She'd found him in their basement one day months later, pictures of her time spent at Hogwarts scattered around him on the floor. It was cold enough that the air in the room had turned his pale cheeks and nose a faint red. Severus didn't notice. He'd become immersed in the photos, imagining that he was locked in a battle with a great dark wizard and had to save a grateful Lily from his evil clutches. "Reducto!" he shouted, brandishing the stick in his hands at his opponent's knees. With a startled cry, the nameless foe fell to the floor, a bloody mess where the middle of his legs used to be. He advanced to where the villain lay, helpless, pleading for his worthless life.

"Cry my forgiveness," Severus demanded of him. "Beg me and I may just have mercy on you."

"I should hope I'd taught _you_ enough of forgiveness that you'll be able to grant it with ease."

At the sound of his mother voice's, Severus turned. He'd been startled into dropping the stick in his hand among his dirty footprints. "I didn't know you were home," he said, his voice dropping from the menacing shout he'd used to intimidate his opponent to the barest of whispers. "I thought—"

"I'm fine," she said. Eileen held out her right arm for her son's inspection. The breaks in it had been healed, but a few bruises remained around her elbow and forearm. Severus knew those would heal quickly enough. She was adept at the potions that helped the process along. "The Healers made quick work of it. I told you it wasn't a problem."

But it was, and they both knew it. It felt like Tobias Snape's anger grew more with each passing day. Now, hardly a day passed before mother and sometimes son feared for their lives at the hands of the man who controlled them both. As usual, Eileen suffered the worst of it, but as her son grew older and more defiant, he was more likely to receive a slap or worse before Tobias returned to the cowering woman in the corner, ignoring her cries as she begged for mercy for them both.

"I have something for you," Eileen said. She walked closer to her son, glancing over her shoulder to the stairs and open basement door. With a slight nod of her head, the door eased shut. The quiet click of the lock moving into place echoed across the space. With a wave of her hand, she warmed the room. Eileen reached into the pocket of her dress and drew out a small, narrow black box. As Severus watched, the box grew in size, until it was more than twice the size of his mother's hand. The boy gasped when he realized what it was.

Eileen smiled. The worry lines around her eyes and mouth eased with the gesture, making her look scarcely old enough to have an eleven-year-old son. "Under the circumstances, I convinced Mr. Ollivander to make an exception to his usual method of bestowing these." Handing the box to her son, her smile widened as the boy opened it and began to run his finger along what was inside. "If this one doesn't work for you, I think he will allow us to exchange it for another until we find one that fits you better."

Severus said nothing. He ran his fingers along the wand in the box as if it would disappear at any moment, another figment of his active imagination.

"After I described you to Mr. Ollivander, he picked this one out for you. I think it wil be perfect," Eileen whispered. "Take it out."

Severus removed the instrument from its box. A curious feeling came over him, a lightness mixed with a feeling of energy flowing through him from head to toe at an immense pace, moving until it coursed through his fingers and into the wand in his hand. The strength of it was like nothing he'd ever felt. He thought he should be glowing somehow, that this palpable energy should give off its own light. There was no light. However, he had risen a few inches from the floor. Severus looked around himself in wonder, smiling for the first time when his mother put a hand to his shoulder and pulled him back down. He wobbled unsteadily for a moment.

"Thank you," he said. He moved forward and embraced his mother; the wand emitted a few bright sparks.

"Happy birthday," Eileen whispered. She smoothed the hair back from her son's head and kissed his forehead. "I had to ask for all sorts of permissions from the Ministry to give you your wand early. I assured them that I would give you the best supervision I could and make sure you could handle this responsibility. Of course, you know there are rules."

"No magic in front of Muggles," Severus said automatically. He was back to staring at his wand, touching the wood as if it were delicate glass that would break at the harshest touch.

"Especially your father," she added. "I haven't told him yet that I'm sending you to Hogwarts and I want you to have as much time as possible to practice." Eileen glanced around the basement. The few windows were clouded over with frost and not high above ground level. The wood floor serving as the ceiling moved and creaked with each step from upstairs. "I'll make sure no one can hear you," Eileen said. "But you must stay down here and you must be careful," she said. She grabbed her son's shoulder and squeezed until he looked up at her. "Do you understand?"

"Yes." Severus nodded. "Thank you, Mum," he repeated, hugging her again. At the edge of his vision, he spotted the books that he'd removed from the trunk earlier. Dusty volumes on Herbology and Magical Creatures littered the floor. At the bottom of the trunk were those Severus found most interesting. The Defense Against the Dark Arts texts his mother had carried through her years at Hogwarts. There were a few on hexes and jinxes the boy was sure no professor had taught from. Yes, he understood what had to be done to keep their secret from his father. He would make good use of his time in the basement all the same. He would learn ways to protect them both.

* * *

With his mother's help, he'd been practicing every first year spell in the Charms book. Some came easier than others, but few were anything Severus thought he could use to impress Lily. There was one he'd been practicing for a week straight, just hoping he'd be able to get it right when the time came. It had taken every ounce of energy he had to keep the state of things a secret from her. It was horrible, hearing her talk about wands and how much she'd love to use one knowing he had one at home he'd promised to keep inside.

Now, on her birthday, he'd finally get to let her in on his secret. She'd invited him over, "for some cake and games" she'd said, but something about the day felt different. It was possible that someone from the school might choose this day rather than the summer to make an appearance, but there was something else. An energy in the air, a feeling Severus couldn't put his finger on. Whatever it was, he knew he'd make the most of it.

* * *

He was uncomfortable. Severus had grown used to the feeling when around Lily, but it was even more noticeable now, surrounded by her Muggle friends. The other children in their bright new clothes stared at him in his too small trousers and shirt. He'd worked extra hard to get his hair into some semblance of order that day and his mother had taken special care to get the dirt from under his fingernails, but there was a fundamental diffference between the dark-haired boy and the others that set him apart. For her part, Lily was doing her best to make him feel included. Every time they began a new game, she wanted him to play first. With every present she opened, she wanted his approval before she'd give her own. And she insisted her "best friend" have the first piece of cake after her own, much to the annoyance of her watchful older sister.

This behavior had not gone unnoticed by her parents. Marie Evans had refrained from referring to Severus as her daughter's boyfriend again, but he couldn't help but notice her smile every time her daughter spoke to him or appeared to show him special favor. David Evans was a slightly different story. He'd only met his daughter's friend briefly once before this day and had appeared to like the boy, in spite of having met and gotten a "strong impression" of his father. Severus was grateful for that much, at least. If every person he met judged him on the merits of Tobias Snape, he'd spend the duration of his life alone and as miserable as his father. As it was, her father was polite and watchful as the party wore on; he did not appear to share his wife's amusement at Lily's insistence on clinging to one person throughout the day. Severus felt it was a miracle when he finally got Lily's undivided attention long enough to pull her upstairs unnoticed.

"Why are we coming up here?" Lily asked. A small giggle escaped from between her lips before Severus clamped a hand over her mouth, peering down the stairs comicly as he looked to see if they'd been followed.

"Sorry about that," he said after he released her. "Wanted to be sure I'd finally gotten you alone."

Lily followed him into her bedroom silently, not questioning him until they were alone and the door was closed. "Sev, is there a reason you had to kidnap me from my party?" she asked. She was trying to look upset, he could tell, but one corner of her mouth had quirked up into a smile and she was tapping her foot. Others might mistake that for impatience on her part, but he'd learned to read Lily better in the few months they'd known each other. It was curiousity mixed with a growing excitement. She had to have noticed that none of the gifts she'd opened earlier had been from him; the other guests had probably noticed it to, though no one had said anything. And Severus knew she would have remembered that he'd promised her something spectacular, something so special she'd never forget it. If he couldn't do the required charm, he would never be able to live up to that claim. And with that look on her face growing more and more tense, the pressure was on to perform.

"I have to give you your gift," Severus said. He looked around. The jar he'd asked her mother to bring upstairs was on the floor near the foot of the bed. He walked over and picked it up. "Sit." He gestured to the bed.

Eyes on him and the jar, Lily lowered herself to the bed. Her slight smile was gone now, replaced with an inquiring slant of her eyebrows. Thinking over what he should do next, he handed her the jar and joined her on the bed.

"All right, what I'm about to show you has got to stay a secret between us," Severus began.

Lily nodded. "Of course."

He'd known he could expect that much from her, everything they'd done so far—the wandless spells they attempted almost daily, the books from Hogwarts he'd thumbed through with her—had remained their secret.

"And you have to promise me you won't get upset," he said slowly.

Her eyes shot to the door and back to him, so quick he nearly missed it. "What—?"

"I got my wand," he whispered. Reaching behind his back, he pulled the instrument from the back of his trousers. Lily's mouth dropped open at the sight of it. "On my birthday. Mum made me swear to keep it a secret. I'm not even supposed to take it out of the house, but I had to." He looked up and met her eyes. She wasn't upset with him for keeping the secret. Far from it. She appeared excited as he had been when he received his gift. "I wanted to give you something as...special as you are." Severus dropped his eyes as he said this. He couldn't believe he'd actually gotten that out. Maybe she would put the intensity of the words down to a birthday sentimentality or forget it altogether in the wake of what she was about to see.

He reached for the jar and instructed Lily to remove the top and hold it steady between them. "I've been practicing for days," he said. "I think this will last for a few hours, possibly as long as a few days. You just have to be sure to keep it hidden."

Her bright eyes searched his face. "What?" she asked. "What am I keeping hidden?"

His brow furrowed in concentration as he lifted his wand and focused his energy through it to the mouth of the jar. Going over the incantation carefully in his mind, Severus performed the charm, smiling when a burst of blue flames erupted from his wand to land in the jar, filling it with bright light that tossed their shadows to dance unevenly on the walls around them. "Wait, one more," he said and performed another quick spell. He grabbed the lid of the jar and replaced it before handing the whole thing to Lily.

"What kind of fire is it?" she asked.

"They're called bluebell flames," Severus answered. The glow from the fire made Lily's eyes appear a shade of neon blue. "They're portable. The other charm was a Freezing Charm. If you touch the fire, it should feel like a warm breeze. Mum said witches who were burned at the stake used the charm so they could fake their deaths."

Lily grinned and lowered the jar from her face. "And you said I'll be able to keep it for days?"

He nodded. "Most likely. I'm not really very good yet or I could make it last longer."

"This is long enough," Lily answered. "Even if I can't keep it, I'll treasure the memory always. Your first illegal charm in a jar." She grinned and he felt his lips pull up in response. After staring at it a few moments longer, Lily rose from the bed and placed the jar in the back of her closet, pulling down a row of jumpers to cover the strange glow coming from the glass. When she returned to the bed, she pulled him into a tight embrace, much longer than any she had previously given him. He felt his face growing warm. "Thank you so much," she said as she pulled back. "It really is special." She smiled again and sat back on the bed. "I like it so much more than everything else I got. I feel like I should be saying thank you a hundred different ways."

"You don't have to," he said, suddenly flustered at her enthusiasm. There was really only one thing Severus wanted as a thank you from Lily and now seemed as perfect a time as any to go for it. When he looked at her, she was still smiling, this time a soft tilting of her lips that he knew meant she was deep in thought. This was it. He'd have to do it now or wait another year while he got up the courage again. He leaned forward and then stopped just short, waiting for her to pull away when she realized what he was going to do. When that didn't happen, Severus leaned forward again, until his lips were mere inches from hers.

There was a sharp knock on the door. Lily turned toward it as it opened. His mouth grazed her cheek; the softness of her lips was just out of reach.

Her father leaned inside, his smile drawing tight as he took in the two children on the bed. "Lily, you'd best see your guests off. A few are ready to leave now. Some of them are complaining that they haven't seen much of you today."

She gave her father a bright smile. "I will, Daddy."

Severus and Lily both sat there, each waiting for her father to leave them alone again. When he remained in the doorway, Severus stood from the bed and offered Lily his arm. Smiling up at him, she took it and let him lead her downstairs. There would be other moments for the two of them, Severus was sure of that. He just didn't know how long he could wait for another perfect moment to present itself or if he'd have to gather the courage to create one himself.


	7. Accepted

It was his mother who noticed it first. The stock white envelope slid through their fireplace and onto the floor in front as neatly as if it had been placed there. Sverus heard the faint hoot from overhead while he was in the kitchen and went into the parlor to ask his mother if she'd heard it as well. Smiling, she pointed wordlessly to the letter in front of the fireplace. Her grin widened when her son got close enough to examine the seal. He let out a small squeal then grabbed the letter. He rushed over to the window to look at in better light.

"Mum, are you sure this is real?" Severus asked. "I didn't think they sent out Hogwarts letters in July."

"I believe that's so first year students have enough time to prepare," his mother responded. "Other students will get theirs later."

"Why not at the same time?" He didn't know why he was asking, really. He didn't much care. He had his letter and as long as Lily had hers, that was all that mattered.

"I hear Professor McGonagall likes to dictate each one. And as she has well over a hundred to send out each year, it takes her a little time. In addition to that, she personally visits every Muggleborn students and their parents. I'm sure she'll get bored of that after a few years," his mother remarked.

Severus looked up from the unopened envelope in his hand. He'd heard about three words of his mother's explanation. From her mildly amused expression, he gathered that she knew as much and didn't mind.

"May I go see Lily now? I'd like to know if—" He couldn't say it. She _had_ to have gotten her letter for Hogwarts. Lily was far more powerful and controlled than he was, a natural talent, even if she was sometimes too bashful to acknowledge it. "I want to see how her parents have taken it," he said. There was some truth to that. Lily had spent the past several months dreading her parents' reaction, though Severus knew she had nothing to worry about. The Evanses were never anything less than loving and supportive with their daughters, yet another fact Severus had begun to envy of his friend. He knew he couldn't hope for anything close to that type of reaction from his own father, he just hoped his mother didn't have to suffer too much for her decision to allow him to attend Hogwarts.

His mother had scarcely nodded her consent before Severus was out there, the unopened letter clutched tightly in his hand. As he ran towards Lily's house, he forced himself to slow down several times, alternately wanting to give her and her family a bit of space and wanting to celebrate with her in private. With her parents finally knowing her secret, they could practice spells out in the open. If her parents took her to get a wand soon, they could go through his mother's books together and be ahead in all of their classes.

It was this last thought that finally made him stop running altogether, a block from Lily's house. He looked down at the letter in his hand. The envelope was slightly crumpled, but the seal remained unbroken. He looked down at the dark red wax and traced the Hogwarts crest with the tip of his finger. The truth was, as long as he'd known he was a wizard, he still felt it was an amazing accomplishment just to get into Hogwarts. His mother had reluctantly told him stories of Squibs and those who had more than a little magic but just couldn't make it at the school. Next to Lily, it had been his fear that he would still be called wizard, but would never be able to keep up—with her and everyone else. That was why practicing had become a nearly daily routine. Besides the usual charms, he'd picked up quite a number of hexes and defensive spells—a fact which his father had learned to a painful end. But even his father's attitude towards magic would cease to be an issue in a little more than a month.

He broke the seal and smiled down at the page as he began walking again. There was the standard welcome letter in Professor McGonagall's tightly slanted script. The next page was a list of the books and supplies he'd need before the first of September. Scanning over it, he realized that most of the books were already in the house. He wouldn't need to worry about those. As for his other supplies and school clothes, Severus didn't know how his parents would be able to afford anything. His father hardly gave his mum enough to take care of the house, and he would not see his son attending Hogwarts as a priority. Every time he'd asked, Eileen had told her son not to worry when it was time for him to go to school, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want anything to go wrong. Including having to leave his best friend behind, he thought as he approached Lily's house. For now, making sure she was coming along was the priority. He could worry about everything else later.

Looking up at the front of the house, he was surprised. A woman in a green tartan dress and tall black hat was coming briskly down the walk, her face set in a stern expression. Severus recognized her immediately from the pictures of his mother's last visit to the school. "Professor McGonagall!" he exclaimed.

The older woman glanced at him quizzically for a few seconds. Spotting the Hogwarts letter in his hand, she smiled down at him over her glasses. The gesture softed the small lines around her mouth. "You must be Eileen Prince's boy," she said.

He nodded. "Severus Snape, Professor."

"She mentioned you would be coming to Hogwarts soon. You look just like your mother. Though, there is a hint of someone else."

His face dropped. "My father's nose," Severus mumbled. He'd been told as much several times. He only hoped it was the only resemblance he would ever have to the man who fathered him.

"Yes, well, knowing what a powerful witch your mother is, I expect nothing but the highest quality magic from you, young man."

In spite of the sharp drop in her expression, he could tell from the slight tilt of her lips this was more a challenge and hint of her expectations than a rebuke. Severus knew his mother was capable of far more than she'd shown him over the years and he was expected to match or exceed her achievements at school. He planned to go far above and beyond that. He informed Professor McGonagall of this.

Her sharp laugh rang out. "I'll look forward to it, Mr. Snape. I'll see you at the sorting." With that, she looked around to make sure she wasn't be observed, turned on the spot and disappeared with a loud pop. Severus stared at the spot where she been for several seconds. That little trick was the msot remarkable thing he'd ever seen anyone do. That was a spell his mother had to teach him as soon as possible.

He ran up the stone walk and knocked on the front door. Several long moments passed in silence. Severus knocked again. The door opened and Petunia glared down her nose at him. "Oh, it's you. Well, you've finally gotten your wish now, haven't you? She's one of you." The girl rolled her eyes.

"Your sister's going, then?"

Petunia merely continued frowning at him. Her attitude towards him never differed and today was no exception. It didn't matter. He could hear her parents chattering in the living room, accompanied by Lily's high laugh.

"Lily!"

"Sev?" she called back. He shouldered his way past Petunia and into the parlor. Lily jumped up from the sofa and ran over to him. "You got yours?"

He nodded. "You got yours?"

She held out the crumpled parchment in her hand for his inspection. Squealing as he had at home, Severus pulled Lily into a hug. He grinned as she began jumping up and down while singing, "We're going off to Hogwarts! We're going off to Hogwarts!" Laughing, Severus joined in with her chanting.

"Wait, you're one of them too?" her father asked, struggling to be heard over the squealing, laughing children.

Her mother smiled. "How long have you known about Lily?"

Severus grabbed Lily around the waist to stop her movements. "I've known since I met her." He smiled at his friend. "A little before that, actually. That was why I introduced myself."

Her father blinked hard. "And what was Lily doing that indicated she might be a...a..."

"Witch," Marie filled in. She smiled at her husband.

Lily grinned. "Nothing, Dad. I was playing in the park. Sev just picked up on it."

"Nothing anyone else would have noticed," he assured them. Her parents looked relieved. Severus guessed Professor McGonagall had given them the same lecture on secrecy his mother had given him when she'd begun teaching him charms. They didn't have to worry. He and Lily had managed to keep their spell practice a secret so far, and they hadn't gotten in trouble with the Ministry for any of it. Keeping things under wraps until they went off to school would be easy.

"How did your parents take it, then?" David Evans asked. "Were they surprised? Happy?"

"Oh, my mum wasn't surprised at all. She knew when I was born," Severus said. "My mum's a witch. Everyone in her family was a witch or wizard."

"And your father?" Marie asked.

"He's not a wizard," Severus said. "And he's known about me for years. I think he was surprised, but he's gotten used to it," the boy said. He felt slightly uncomfortable lying to Lily's parents after the way they'd welcomed him into their home for months, but that was better than even hinting at the years of abuse he and his mother had suffered because of his father's insecurities and hatred. He was sure they could sense enough of what his home life was like from his general appearance. They never said anything, never treated him differently because of it, but there was always a look adults gave him. Either contempt because they thought he was somehow mean or unworthy of being in their prescence, or pity because they knew he couldn't help what his life was. The Evanses were more of the pitying type, like Lily had been before she'd gotten to know him. It was better for his peace of mind that their pity was of a more general type. They didn't need a specific reason to feel sorry for him.

"Well, I'd like to talk to your parents, if I could," David said. "Your mother especially. Professor McGonagall was nice enough, but she wasn't very informative. Would your parents mind coming by, so we could talk about school?"

"My mum wouldn't mind," Severus answered immediately. He'd talk her into it. From Lily's smile, he could tell how excited she was about the idea of discussing Hogwarts with someone who had actually been there. She would probably be more comfortable asking her friend's mother endless questions than a professor from the school.

"Fantastic," Marie said. "I'll call her." Before Severus could anything else, she was up and in the kitchen, dialing his mother. A couple of minutes later, Marie came back, a huge smile overtaking her face. "Your mother says she would be glad to come over and speak with us. Tomorrow, early for tea."

"I can't wait," Lily said. She'd been quiet all this time and she sounded breathless. Her face was flushed and her hands were shaking in her excitement. "Do you think she would mind if I came over now and asked a few questions?"

Lily Evans in his house? With his father possibly coming home at any minute? There was no way he would let his father anywhere near Lily if he could help it. "I think, when I left, she was cleaning," Severus said finally.

"Of course she's busy," Marie put in. "Otherwise she could've come over now. Lily, you'll just have to be patient. You have over a month before you'll be at school. You have all that time to ask as many questions as you want."

"Can your mum bring the photo albums tomorrow?" Lily asked. "I would love to show my mum that picture of a dragon."

"A dragon?" In that instance, Marie Evans's awed tone sounded identical to that of her daughter's the first time she knew of the creature's existence. Severus saw the same attraction to all the wonderful things she'd only imagined in her eyes that he saw in her daughter every time he introduced her to something new. It was then he knew that Lily's mother was the one who encouraged her active imagination and who would support her the most as she joined the wizarding world. He was happy she would have that support, especially since she'd been so worried over it before. Her sister was probably a lost cause and her father was cautious at best, but at least Lily would have her mother's support as he would have his.


End file.
